A tale of two sisters
by pamy
Summary: A long time ago, in Narnia, Susan fell ill, there Lucy cared for her. Now years later it is Susan's turn to care for Lucy, despite all that has happened since they lost Narnia. But in the end, no matter what, they will always love each other ...
1. Part 1

**Written for the Narnia Big bang on Livejournal this was my mini big bang. Like all other Narnia stories mostly about the movies/  
**

**Don't own anything of course.**

* * *

_'She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days she is the reason you wish you were an only child. '_  
_**Barbara Alpert**_

* * *

_It happened a long time ago. _

_Some days it seemed like it truly wasn't so long ago, and perhaps it honestly wasn't, it all depends on who you ask and on where you ask. In Narnia, it was centuries since it had actually happened, yet it wouldn't do anyone any good to ask, for the story itself had gotten lost in time; the memory of it had been erased. However, that was Narnia. In England, there was no memory of it, for it had never happened there; their time in Narnia was no more than a few minutes, gone in the blink of an eye. _

_It really doesn't matter, either way it already passed. _

_The events took place in the Dark Woods, the most dangerous place in Narnia, the one place you really didn't want to be in when the night fell. The story itself, however, started in the light. It was the Narnian time known as the Golden age, many years after their coronation. It was a beautiful day, or at least it started that way, and Susan, and Lucy had decided to go out and play like the children they still were. Mr. Tumnus went with them, but no one else did after all the danger had already passed. They paid no attention to their surroundings as Lucy ran and Susan pursued. _

_Further and further they went and with each step, they got closer to the Dark Woods. _

_Then the rain started._

* * *

Many years had passed since they lost Narnia.

The kings and Queens of old, who had at one time been so happy and care-free, had grown older and somehow more serious. The bond which they had previously shared, the one that everyone had been certain would be able to withstand anything, had shattered. It didn't happen suddenly, of course it didn't; it was a long process; somewhere, though none are confident when exactly, they started to change. They all changed, became different than how they had been in Narnia.

It was logical; after all they were growing up in a different world.

Susan was the worst; she was the one who had forgotten Narnia; she was the one who kept saying it had just been a game. For Peter and Eustace, she was the cause, the reason they had grown apart; however, it really wasn't; they were all different and eventually they all would live different lives. Susan, who forgot, just wanted to be a part of this world. Edmund thought that if she could just remember all would be well, all he had to do was find out why she had forgotten.

It doesn't matter, for her all memories of Narnia both good and bad had long since faded.

It rained in England to, but then again, it always rained in England.

* * *

_She never even knew when it actually happened. _

_She supposes, however, that the when doesn't really matter, neither does the who nor even the why – in such a case that someone actually did this to her of course. All that matters in the end is that it did happen, and that it happened in that moment when they were so far away from home. There are moments, months and years later, that she thinks she almost remembers a stinging sensation in her shoulder, but she's never been able to remember clearly. _

_She forgot it in an instant, if it even happened, unimportant, then, though not later. _

_The rain falling from the sky wasn't so bad at first so they ignored it, like they ignored other things; things they probably shouldn't' have. Like the fact that they were getting further and further away from known land and closer to the Dark Woods, there was no man should travel. They paid no attention to the world around them, being just two girls playing in the fields; they forgot for a moment that they were queens; they forgot that they should go back home at some point; they only played. _

_The rain kept falling and further they went, behind them Mr. Tumnus could barely keep up._

* * *

The invites to the parties kept coming.

Susan spends her time divided between her new-found friends and her parties; spending her time at home getting ready or at times helping their mother. She seemed so far removed from the queen, she had once been that some days Edmund and especially Peter found it difficult to believe they were the same person. The strange thing was, at least to Edmund, that to his sisters, it didn't seem to matter. Lucy, who of all of them loved Narnia the most, seemed not to care that Susan barely remembered; if she remembered at all. Susan equally seemed not to care that Lucy did remember.

They found the middle ground, left Narnia behind and carried on.

Lucy would help Susan get ready for her parties; she refused to move out of the room they shared when their father cleared out the spare room (which is why Edmund now had his own room), and they were essentially the same. Even their arguments, unlike the ones with the others, surrounded around the same things they always had; in those moments when the sisters were together it seemed like Narnia truly did not exist, or it didn't matter.

Edmund could not understand perhaps; he thought; it was just a girl thing.

* * *

_Two hours later, perhaps longer, she started to feel it. _

_Like the beginning of something, a slight chill a little headache; nothing to worry about really, perhaps she did not eat enough. It didn't matter; as always, there was no stopping Lucy and Susan did not want to worry her, so she said nothing. She ignored the signs even as they got stronger, the headache just a little more, and the rain slowly drenching her dress making the chill even worse. However, it was still a beautiful day, despite the rain and Lucy was having so much fun. _

_Surely, it was just the flu; she'd be sick in bed tomorrow, nothing to worry about. _

_When she thought of it later, in the years, they still spent in Narnia or in England before she forgot, Susan could not remember when exactly they entered the Dark Woods or when they lost Mr. Tumnus. They ran through the trees for hours it seemed, though it may have been just minutes; however, they paid no attention to where they were, after all there were woods everywhere in Narnia. The rain, which until then could have been ignored, started falling with more force. _

_It was later that they noticed where they were, it was later that they realized they could not go back. _

_They did not know how._

* * *

When Susan was invited to a party, it took her hours to get ready.

That, Edmund admits, was the same in Narnia; though perhaps not that long or maybe it only seemed that way. Lucy would be there the entire time, sneaking into the kitchen to get some water and then spending the rest of the day up there. Susan would try on every dress and make a show of it; Lucy would be laughing and pointing out which dress would be right and which wrong (Susan would always know which dress she wanted to where, but she'd try on every single one).

They could hear them laughing all the way downstairs.

After they were done with the dresses, which could take many hours; Susan would take out all her make up. Lucy would sit beside her while Susan applied her make up; trying out a number of colors (most likely for Lucy's sake) they'd exchange stories, not once in all the years they had been doing this had they talked of Narnia. They'd argued, of course they argued, some days Susan could have killed Lucy for being so annoying; Lucy would have liked to have hurt Susan for being such a perfectionist.

Still every time, which was a lot, Susan was invited to a party; Lucy would help her get ready.

(Perhaps this was the reason, Edmund one day thought, that it took Susan hours to get ready.)

* * *

_The sky was rapidly darkening, though it was not because it was getting late. _

_The night itself was starting to fall as well but primarily the darkness came from the storm, the rain which before had just been a little annoying had now transformed into a real problem. They were already completely soaked but wasn't the biggest problem; the real problem was that they were alone having somehow lost Mr. Tumnus (Susan would later wonder how exactly they had lost him, wasn't he supposed to look after them?)_

_'Susan where are we? Where's Mr. Tumnus?' _

_'I don't know; I don't know. It's going to be okay Lucy don't worry.' _

_Susan couldn't tell whether Lucy was crying, but she knew Lucy would be scared; Lucy stepped closer to her in an instant burying her face in her big sister's dress. Susan looked around trying to determine how to get back to where they came from but all she could see were trees and only those closest to her; the rain by now had gotten so strong that she could no longer actually see, which was problematic. _

_'Su?' '_

_Don't worry Lucy everything's alright, we'll get back. Come on.' _

_Slowly, Susan took a step backwards to where she thought they came from at least it's where she hoped they were going._

* * *

That day, a Friday, Susan was again invited to a party.

Their mother and father had left some time ago, promising to return as soon as possible since they were going to the same party. Peter to would be at this party, Lucy was deemed too young and someone had to stay with her so Edmund would stay behind as well. Usually on days like these Lucy would somehow manage to wake up first, excited as she was (still after all these years) and wake her up. This time, however, Susan was the first to awake she looked over at Lucy's still form and for a second she was worried.

But then she remembered hearing Lucy toss and turn and asking what was wrong.  
Nightmares had been her answer, and she did not find this strange; everyone had nightmares once in a while. Now in the early morning it seemed strange to be the first one awake and wrong to move about, but she could not lie in bed forever. Instead, she chose to go downstairs and get some breakfast. Surely, by the time she came back up Lucy would be awake full of energy like she always was.

Still she felt slightly worried and ate her breakfast rather quickly, to the annoyance of her brothers.

* * *

_Slowly, very slowly, they made their way through the woods. _

_It was not easy, not only did they not know where they were going; they could also not see where they were going. It was dark, and the rain was still coming down as heavily as it did before, Susan held Lucy's hand as she made her way through the forest, falling over roots and sliding down small hills. At some point, after walking for an hour but making no real headway in the forest, Lucy suddenly remembered the horn. Susan took it out but could not make a sound; the rain had gotten so heavy that the horn was useless; filling up with water before she could even bring it to her mouth. _

_What good was having it if one could not use it when one really needed it? _

_So they kept on walking, ever slowly through the woods; holding hands, afraid that if they did not they would surely lose one another. At some point, Susan fell over a root and letting go of Lucy's hand tried to steady herself against the tree; it was of no use, the tree and the ground were too slippery, and she fell. 'Susan!' Lucy was beside her in an instant a worried look on her face. 'It's okay Luce; it's nothing, and I'm fine. It's just the rain.' 'Where are we going? What are we going to do?' 'It's going to be okay; you'll see; they're probably already looking for us; we'll hear them shouting our names in an instant. Don't worry. Just give me a second to get up, and we'll keep going okay?' _

_She did not tell Lucy of her worries, the worry that they would not be found, the worry that the storm would get worse. _

_And the feeling that the chill was not just a chill._

* * *

_**Years later, only a few for them but many for Narnia, Peter would,one day, ask a rather morbid question.  
He'd ask Edmund, while Caspian stood nearby and Miraz waited.  
He'd ask: 'What do you suppose will happen in England if we die in Narnia?'**_

* * *

_'Like branches on a tree we grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one. Each of our lives will always be a special part of the other.'  
Author unknown._


	2. Part 2

'_A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.'  
Isadora James_

* * *

Lucy awoke before Susan came back.

Still she did not move from her bed, feeling weak and slightly feverish. Still she sat up after a few minutes, making sure she was dressed before Susan came up. She did not want to make Susan feel bad; she did not want to destroy the party she had been looking forward to for some time. When Susan came back upstairs, bringing with her a glass of orange juice for her little sister, she found Lucy sitting on her bed; she was dressed and smiling expectantly at her, as if just waiting for the show she knew was coming.

However, Susan knew something was wrong.

Lucy was being too quiet; Susan knew from experience that it was impossible for Lucy to sit quietly. She was constantly full of energy, constantly moving around; a happy smile on her face, always something to do. Now she just sat there, not moving, not even really looking at her. 'What is it Lucy? Are you alright?' 'I'm fine, don't worry. I just didn't sleep very well so I'm still a little tired, but I can help you get ready.' 'Are you sure? Because I can wait, I can go downstairs while you get some more sleep.' 'No. I'm fine; really, you should try on the red dress. I think you look beautiful in it.'

Susan did not answer but merely looked at her, but Lucy would not say anymore.

* * *

_It was getting worse, whatever it was. _

_She could feel it, the slight chill from before had become something more; she began shivering after a few minutes. Still this she could still ignore, Lucy did not need to know this; after all they were walking around in the rain, it was still normal. It wasn't just the cold anymore either; the headache had grown steadily worse until it too could not be ignored longer; she was beginning to feel quite ill. Her legs were slightly shaking, but still she did not say anything; there was no need to worry Lucy everything will be alright._

_Any minute they'd find the end of the forest or a Narnian would show up. _

_She did not know the legend of the Dark Woods, the one that said that whoever walked into it would be lost forever. Doomed to walk into circles, for no mortal could ever find the edge of the woods again. If there had been no rain the answer would have been simple, all she would have to do was blow the horn; someone would hear it and come to their rescue, but as it was they were lost. She, however, did not know this and still believed someone would come or that at least the rain would stop; but no-one came and the rain did not let up. _

_She would not be able to hold the pretense much longer either way._

* * *

Lucy smiled and joked just like she always did.

Susan tried on the red dress first just like Luce had told her too, and then she tried on the blue one (the one Edmund had given her for her birthday) and all the time Lucy seemed the same. Still Susan could almost feel that something was wrong, but she said nothing; it could be that Lucy was really just tired. However, it was strange to see Lucy, usually so full of energy, just sitting on the edge of the bed.

Lucy was beginning to feel quite ill; perhaps some more sleep would have been nice.

Even so, time passed them by, exactly like it always did, and for a while it truly did seem like it was noting; that with time she'd feel better. Outside, though neither really noticed, it was raining; just like it had rained before, if one looked at it, it would almost seem like the world was ending, but really it was just another afternoon. It did not matter at that moment; it would matter later but not then. However, they were not looking out the window Susan was sitting in front of the mirror, looking at Lucy sitting behind her, combing her hair.

'Su, is it cold here? Or is it just me?'

* * *

_She had been hoping it would at least stop raining. _

_The opposite happened, instead of stopping or at least slowing down it actually managed to rain more. She thought it hadn't been possible, but it was; it was getting late too; she realized. It became harder to walk, because they could not see and because everything was getting more slippery; on top of that Susan was started to get the feeling they were going around in circles, and that they were never going to find the outside of the forest. This time it was Lucy, who fell and Susan tried to stop her from falling, but she could not. _

_Lucy sat down on her knees in the mud, not willing to move anymore. _

_'We're never going to get out of here.' Susan wanted to tell her that everything would be alright, that someone would come, that the forest most at some point most come to an end; but she could not lie anymore; she did not believe it, and she knew her sister would not either. 'Okay, we have to find shelter, somewhere dry and hopefully warm and just wait for the rain to stop, afterwards it will be easier. Okay?' 'Okay, but where do we go?' She looked up turning slightly to the right and to the left, but as she did she could feel the nausea (which she had been fighting for hours) finally take hold, the world started turning very fast, and she could feel her knees giving in. _

_She swayed, coughing slightly and held out her hands, leaning against the tree. _

_'Su? Are you okay, what's wrong? Susan!'_

* * *

It's the part that Lucy loved the most.

She'd always loved watching her sister get ready, had always loved the way Susan would make a show out of it. However, what she loved the most about it was when Susan combed her hair or when she allowed Lucy to do it; just to sit there combing each other's hair making sure it comes out alright, Lucy could spend hours just sitting there. She also loved the way Susan would comb her hair, softly and with care. A long time ago, when they were queen in Narnia and even before that when they were just small children in England, Susan would do this as well.

Sit behind her on the bed and comb her hair, somehow that had a calming effect.

It was in that moment what Susan was trying to do, calm her down; perhaps she'd feel a little better if she was more relaxed. Lucy could remember them doing that in Narnia as well, just Susan sitting behind her combing her hair, singing a song very gently: so gently that there were moments that Lucy thought she made that up, and she never managed to figure out what song she was singing exactly. It was the same one she was singing now and for a moment it seemed like they were there, that at any moment, Mr. Tumnus or one of the beavers would come bursting through the door.

(Lucy never allowed anyone but Susan to comb her hair, she'd allowed Peter to do it once, but he just  
pulled her hair, and Edmund had never wanted to.)

She felt Susan's hand against her forehead very suddenly, cool against warm.

'You have a fever Luce, why didn't you tell me you were feeling this ill?'

* * *

_She could hear Lucy's voice far away, in the distance. _

_However, the nausea had control in the moment, and she could not have said anything, even if she had been able to find the words to express how she was feeling. She could not explain it, the nausea, the turning of her stomach, the shaking of her body; it had come so suddenly that it almost knocked her out. She is steadied herself against the tree with one hand, while she bends over slightly trying to catch her breath. _

_'Susan what do I do, what do you need? Susan?' _

_She could hear Lucy talking; she'd probably been talking for the last few minutes but only now does she realize what exactly she is saying. 'It's okay…it's okay….I I just don't feel so good.' 'Why are you ill? Hurt? What happened?' 'I don't know; I don't know. It's going to be okay. We need to find shelter. Now.' _

_She would walk; she had to; they need shelter; they needed to find a place to rest, hopefully before she became too sick to walk. She felt her shoulder tingling but paid no attention to it while she held out her hand for Lucy to take hold of. 'Let's go, it's going to be okay.' But it wasn't going to be okay; they quickly realized, for Susan took only a few steps before losing her footing landing in the mud that Lucy had lain in before. _

_'Susan?' 'Okay, we have to go. But I'm going to need your help; you have to be strong, okay?' _

_And so they did, walking together through the woods searching for shelter, Susan leaning on Lucy, just like before Lucy had been leaning on Susan. _

_The Caves were like a gift from Heaven, suddenly they were just there._

* * *

Susan pulled the covers over Lucy, tucking her in.

'You should go to sleep; it will be alright. I'm sure you'll feel better once you rest a little more, okay?' Lucy nods her head slowly closing her eyes as Susan brushed the hair from her face, still singing the same lovely song she had always sung. Lucy wished she could muster up the strength to ask which song it was exactly, but before she could find the right words sleep had already overtaken her. Her eyes slowly closed and Susan watched as her breathing slowed down.

Lucy did not sleep long before her fever caused her to have nightmares.

She tossed and turned, throwing the covers off; Susan was by her side in an instant trying to calm her, softly brushing the hair from her face trying to sooth her. Lucy set up suddenly bright awake. 'Luce, hey, you are alright, how are you feeling?' 'I don't feel so good; I feel strange.' She could not say more before the coughing takes over, Susan robs her back softly trying to sooth her aches. 'Okay, I'm going to go and get Peter, so he can get you a doctor okay?' 'No, stay here. Please don't leave.' 'Lie back down, close your eyes and go to sleep.'

She curls up staring up at Susan's face.

_**'Susan, tell me a story.'**_

* * *

_The caves weren't warm but at least there it was dry._

_Lucy checked the cave holding her knife out in front of her in case of danger, not that she truly could have done anything if there had been any danger. She was not a fighter, never having learned and neither was Susan, despite having learned. Susan would have checked; she probably should have; however, she'd used up all her strength trying to get here and now she could no longer move. 'It's okay, there's nothing here; we'll hide in the back of the cave its a little warmer there.' She crawled to the back of the cave and leaned against the wall, trying to calm down. _

_Lucy crawled closely to her, and there they sat together as one. _

_'How are you feeling?' 'Not so good,' she would have lied, perhaps she should have, but she was so tired, 'but it's going to be okay; I probably just need to rest a little. You'll see.' The world was darkening just a little more every second, her vision blurring; she was shaking earnestly now, from the cold, although so was Lucy (the rain having soaked them both) so perhaps that had nothing to do with the illness. It felt strange, like a losing battle, and she could never have told you how it happened. They didn't know what it was that ailed her, didn't know about the mysterious deadly illnesses that plagued Narnia. Nor that one of them started with a stinging sensation in her shoulder. _

_And then Susan asked Lucy something she had never asked before. _

_'Luce, tell me a story?'_

* * *

'Peter! Peter, where are you?'

Susan ran down the stairs two at the time, searching for her older brother; why was he always there when you didn't need him but never when you did? She found him sitting in the living room reading a book of all things; she knew he had heard her, but he seemed to think it was probably not important, so he had not moved.

'There you are; I need you to do something.'

'I'm not going out to pick up something you need for the party Su, in case you didn't notice it's the worst  
storm ever out there, so it'll have to wait.'

'I don't need you to pick up something; Lucy is sick!'

'What?' 'I need you to go out and get a doctor, any doctor.'

Susan turned around and ran to the kitchen, not even stopping to see if Peter did what she asked of him; if she knew one thing about him, it was that he loved Lucy, and he would more than definitely get the best doctor in town, if he could. For the first time since she woke she actually looked outside, and it did look like the worst storm ever, but it probably wasn't. For a moment, just a moment she slowed down, taking a few deep breaths; everything would be alright; it would be, and surely it was nothing, just a simple flu.

But Lucy's pale still form upstairs, coughing sometimes, tossing and turning with fever, haunted her.

It wasn't alright.

* * *

_**Edmund would think it someday, after Narnia but before Caspian.  
He wouldn't say, he'd spend the rest of his life pretending it had never crossed his mind.  
However, it had, somehow, and he could never forget it.  
'What if you die in England? Do you go back to Narnia? Or do you pass over it, like it never mattered at all? Do you just go on?'**_

* * *

_'Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there.'  
__Amy Li_


	3. Part 3

'_You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories.'  
Deborah Moggach_

* * *

_It almost seemed like an echo, like a memory playing over and over again. _

_Two girls, two siblings, sitting together somewhere in the world; once in Narnia another time in England, but they were there. At the same time, for they grew up in both worlds, but different, nevertheless. The same timing, the same age, the same day: in one world, hiding in a cave, the oldest sister falls ill; in another, in a small room, the youngest would succumb. _

_It felt like they were replaying. _

_'Susan, tell me a story.' 'Luce, tell me a story.' _

_For a second, when Lucy whispered the words, Susan could almost see them there (despite not remembering) sitting in that cave. However, they weren't; everything was different here. _

* * *

Susan sat down on her knees beside the bed.

It would hurt later; she knew this, but in that moment, she did not care; all that mattered was Lucy, all that mattered was making sure she was calm. She'd worry about everything else later, about the make-up still open on the table, the dresses lying across the room; the dress she was wearing was probably going to be ruined in a few minutes, but she did not care. Softly, she hummed a song while using a wet cloth against Lucy's forehead in a desperate attempt to get her fever down.

'Susan, tell me a story.'

'Do you remember that one winter, when you were like nine years old, and it snowed so much we couldn't go outside?'

Of course, Lucy remembered, but she loved the way Susan told it; she could wave together the story making it seem like they were living it again. The story was simple really; it had been a year after Narnia, and they were happier than; though Susan doesn't mention Narnia, it is there in the background, in those times it was not possible to forget about it. They'd been snowed in; it was Christmas, and somehow they'd managed to get separated. Peter and Edmund were somewhere else, though Lucy cannot remember why or where, but they were.

They'd spend all day singing songs and opening presents, for some reason, to this day, it was the best Christmas ever.

(What Susan doesn't tell, What Lucy forgets is that at some point they had an argument – because really they were together all day long, at some point they wanted to kill each other – nor that they spend a few hours not talking. However, that really wasn't important.)

* * *

_Lucy wasn't a storyteller, at least not the way Susan was. _

_Susan could weave together a story making it new every time she told it; even memories, which were essentially the same every time, seemed like a brand new story every time she told it. In England, she used to take all the fairytales she knew and make them into one story, seemingly like they were important like they needed to exist with each other to be able to exist at all. Susan could silence an entire room while telling a story, but she rarely did; she told Lucy most of her stories and sometimes their brothers as well, but no one else. Lucy never really understood why, if she were able to tell stories like that she'd tell them all the time. _

_However, Lucy could not tell stories that way; she just told them with no magic. _

_Susan could not tell stories now, she was ill shivering violently; leaning against Lucy the way she usually did with Susan. Her eyelids were falling closed, and her throat was closing up; Lucy could hear it in her voice when she talked hoarsely like she was dying (which Lucy feverishly hoped she wasn't). So Lucy told her stories, she wrecked her mind trying to remember different funny and happy moments weaving them together into one tale just like Susan would. She hoped it was close; she hoped it was good enough. _

_And Lucy talked, while the rain felt, every single memory that came to mind. _

* * *

_**'Do you remember that time, we went ice skating?'  
'Which time? That time in Narnia or the time in England?'  
'In England, you were small only six years old; it was mum's idea. It was cold outside, but you wanted to go so desperately so we went. We'd never gone before, I was so sure I was going to fall, and I told you to take a hold of Peter, because he was stronger and he wouldn't let you fall; he'd make sure. However, you wouldn't, six years old and already stubborn as hell, and you would not let go of my hand. So we went on the ice together, slowly in circles, I remember we were laughing and having fun.'  
'But we did fall didn't we Susan?'  
'Yeah we did, but it was okay, because we got back up again and went on the ice another time. And on and on we went in circles on the ice. Together, like we were one. Do you know what was most important in that moment? What I remember the most?'  
'How beautiful it was.'  
'No, how you trusted me so completely, you trusted me and believed I would protect you, even if I didn't believe I could. You trusted me, and you've never doubted me since.'  
'Why would I? You're my big sister.' **_

* * *

She was getting worse, losing herself in her fever.

Susan kept telling her stories, memories and fairytales thrown together; if Lucy had been able to focus long enough she'd have realized that Susan was worried. Her voice quivered; her hands shook, but she kept talking, hoping that somehow the sound of her voice would keep Lucy with them. She could feel someone come up behind her, but she did not turn, knowing even before he spoke that it was Edmund.

'How is she? She any better?'  
'No, she's getting worse. Is Peter back yet?'  
'No.'  
'Where is he? What is he doing?'

The door opened very suddenly, and they could hear Peter's voice carried up from downstairs, along with a male voice, which she hoped was the doctor. And it was, suddenly they were both there like saving angels; surely, everything would be alright now. He sends them all downstairs, that was probably the worst of the moment, but he said he needed to be alone. It seemed like hours before the doctor came back downstairs, truly it wasn't that long. He said it would be alright that it would be a day or so, but Lucy would be back up and about.

After he left Peter said: 'It looks like we're not going to that party.'

Susan didn't say anything, truthfully she hadn't thought about the party since Lucy fell ill.

* * *

_Then finally it stopped raining, but still they could go nowhere. _

_The night had finally fallen, and the darkness was overpowering; even if she tried she would never be able to make her way through. Lucy crept closer to her older sister, who despite feeling ill still radiated safety and strength, and kept on talking. Afraid that if she'd stop she'd have to face up to their situation; she'd have to face up to how much trouble they were in; they could die here and never be found. Susan definitely could, slipping away into her illness more and more; however, if she talked, she could make them both believe they'd be alright, that somehow Aslan would save them, that Susan could fight off this little illness. _

_(It wasn't a little illness; it was a deadly illness. They did not know, but they would find out, that no matter how hard she fought she could not save herself. Someone needed to go to the far north and get a flower, for that and only that would cure her. And Edmund would do that, but that was later, much, much later.) _

_Eventually, at some point, they both fell asleep. _

_Lucy could not remember when they had fallen asleep, but it was somewhere in the memory of their first birthday here in Narnia. Lucy awoke when the first sunlight seeped in, and she could not believe she had actually managed to sleep. She sat up slowly and then realized suddenly that Susan had not awoken. Worried, scared she shook her slightly but Susan did not answer; she did not wake up. She was breathing; her chest was moving ever slowly so she was. 'Susan!' _

_Finally, after what seemed like forever, Susan opened her eyes. _

_And Lucy felt like she could breathe again. _

* * *

Lucy was sleeping, though not calmly.

Susan, however, perched on the edge of the bed, could not sleep; she was too afraid. She was so distressed, despite what the doctor said that if she closed her eyes, Lucy would somehow manage to slip away. She knew she wouldn't; she knew she could; the doctor was sure she would be alright, but still. So Susan kept talking, telling stories, as well as singing softly. It did not last, of course it couldn't last, and eventually they all fell asleep. Nobody could stay awake forever, though they tried, and eventually they slept.

Susan dreamed of the cave that night.

It was strange and surreal, but she dreamed they were there the both of them; laughing and talking, neither one was ill. Outside the rain kept falling but neither paid attention, the fire was blazing, and it was warm in there. They weren't alone, Aslan sad beside them, and she felt safe. The dream did not last, and after she woke she could not remember the dream, but she remembered the feeling of safety and peace.

Lucy had not yet woken up, but she was calmer somehow.

Perhaps she too was dreaming of the cave.

* * *

_**'Do you remember your first birthday here?'  
'Of course I remember.'  
'You were turning thirteen and we decided that you needed a big party, not as much because of the age you were turning in, but because it was your first birthday here in Narnia. Your first birthday as queen. The Narnians wanted to hold a ball for you with music and dancing; Peter wanted to do something even more spectacular. But you wanted something outside, something in the beautiful lands. So the centaurs moved the dancing outside, and with the help of the Fauns created this beautiful outside dance. And in that moment, you looked so beautiful and happy.'  
'I remember dancing with you.'  
'Yes, we danced together. Together, though we didn't know the dance – we had yet to learn – but you followed my lead.'  
'Of course I did; you're the dancer after all.' **_

* * *

_She still didn't know where they were. _

_Yesterday, at the end when they were practically crawling through the woods, she had stopped paying attention; even though she had not really known where they were before. They had to get out, not only because she was afraid of being left here all alone; however, mostly because Susan just kept getting sicker and Lucy was afraid of losing her. The rain had passed perhaps if she blew on the horn now someone would come; she knew that normally it only really worked when Susan used it but there was no way that Susan could blow on the horn now, so it had to be her. _

_The only problem was that the horn was gone._

Susan had curled up and was staring at her pleadingly, her big sister the one who always protected was gone; all that was left was a sick, scared person who did not understand what was happening. And the horn was just gone; she tried to calm herself down searching through the cave hoping it had fallen last night. It hadn't, which meant that the horn – their only hope – was somewhere out there, in those dark woods. She hopes that the others are already looking for them, and perhaps they do not need it, but she thinks it will make it easier.

She's afraid, so afraid; she cannot go there alone, what if she doesn't find her way back.

One look towards Susan and she knew she had to go.

* * *

_**Lucy too wouldn't ask to only think, but she never said it out loud because she was too afraid of the answer.  
One day she'd just think it, for no specific reason, and afterwards, it would be all she could think off.  
'What if you do die, or if you're dying, would someone know? If one of them was dying would the others be able to tell? Or would it take them all by surprise?' **_

* * *

_'Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.'_  
_Carol Saline_


	4. Part 4

_'An older sister is a friend and defender – a listener, conspirator, a counselor and a sharer of delights. And sorrows too.'_  
_Pam Brown_

* * *

Before Lucy was born Susan had not wanted another sibling.

She'd loved being the sole girl and having one younger sibling was more than enough; she did not need another especially not one that would take her place. One that would be the little princess, she wanted to remain the only girl; she knows Lucy will probably never believe her, but she was jealous. She has always been envious of Lucy, of her energy and her happiness; of the fact that Lucy would constantly be happy, just as long as she had her memories. Susan had never been like that, she was always calmer and less inclined to complete happiness.

That, for some reason, was all Susan could think of while Lucy was ill.

After the night passed it seemed like Lucy was getting better, but she wasn't waking up; the doctor told them it was normal but for Susan, it was the worst few hours of her life. (For a moment, as she thought it, the distant memory of a dead lion and cracked table came to mind, but she forgot it as soon as it came up.) But that was what she was thinking, before Lucy was born, she had not wanted her; the feeling hadn't lasted long, once Lucy had been there Susan had loved her fiercely.

When Lucy was two years old, she fell ill as well and Susan, just like this time stayed with her the entire time.

* * *

_' 'I'm going to see if I can find someone, you stay here. I'll be right back.' _

_'She was scared; she'll never deny it. _

_'Somehow, no matter what happened, Susan was constantly the protector; constantly the one she could lean on, even when she was scared, even when in pain, Susan was always there. And now she wasn't, for the first-time Susan wasn't actually there; there was no one to turn back too, no one to help. Now she was the one who needed help, needed someone to lean on; and Lucy was determined to be there, because she was her sister, and she needed her. So despite her fears she ran, not sure which way to turn she just chose at random (hoping to be going in the right direction) and ran through the trees, hoping against hope. _

_'She fell over a tree branch and landed on her knees. _

_'And she stayed on her knees; her head bowed; the tears which she had been fighting for hours finally coming out. And she just sat there sobbing, letting absolutely everything out; shaking, from the cold of the rain last night as much as the pain. She could not stay there so she got up eventually so she did, slowly getting herself up leaning against the tree. Taking a few deep breaths she started to run again, she would find it, she would safe Susan, because without her. She could not exist; she needed Susan as much as she needed air, her protection, her love and the even the fighting. _

_' 'Aslan! Where are you? Help me! Please.' _

_'The horn was suddenly there, as if Aslan had answered her calls and send it to her._

* * *

She was so tired, and she wished she could be like Peter – or even Edmund – and just sleep.

But she couldn't, not until Lucy awoke; not until she said or did something, and Susan knew she would be alright. Until then, she could not sleep; she could not even close her eye – she had slept, she knew this, but she had not noticed she had fallen asleep and perhaps that was the only way. So she talked still bringing up memories, probably repeating herself over and over again.

Once, when Lucy had to go to school, she had hidden in the closet.

She did not want to go to school; she said she was afraid of not making friends; now it's funny because Lucy without friends is just completely impossible. Susan had crawled into the closet, finding her almost immediately, and just sat there and waited; until she was ready to go and after a while sitting there she actually had been. And they had walked to school together and Susan had stayed until she had met someone, which being Lucy had happened almost immediately.

Susan was the protector, always there in the background.

Lucy was always in the spotlight, the listener, the one who could say anything and make every listen.

* * *

_'Instead of blowing on the horn immediately she first ran back. _

_'It was not because she didn't want help, or because she was frightened it wouldn't work; she was more fearful that it would actually work. That they would find her, but they couldn't find Susan, so she wanted to go back first and be with Susan when she blew the horn. She hoped she could find the cave again, that in some way Aslan would help her again, and perhaps he did. She found the cave faster than she had found the horn, and she was sure that somehow he was helping them. _

_'Susan was awake waiting for her, smiling at her motherly when she came in. _

_' 'You…okay?' 'I'm fine, don't worry. Look I found the horn. You stay here I'll go outside and blow it, and then we'll wait okay?' 'Yea…...' _

_'She could hear the sound of the horn all around her; it was in that moment that she realized that there were no other sounds around. No bird's singing, no wind blowing, just nothing; she thought of it for a moment, but she could not think of it. She went back inside and sat beside Susan folding into her open arms; it felt just as protective as it always did (as it always would) despite her obvious weakness. _

_' 'Keep telling me stories.' _

_' 'Do you remember that time….'_

* * *

Lucy didn't dream of the cave, Narnia or Aslan that night.

She dreamed of England strangely enough, in a world without Narnia (or with Narnia, she couldn't quite tell, at least it wasn't important), and they lived somewhere in London. Peter was working in the garden; she could see him through the window, and Edmund was reading a book.

It wasn't important really where they were.

She and Susan were in a room, easily identified as their room. They were sitting in front of a huge mirror; dresses and other clothes were all around the room. Susan was sitting behind her and was just combing her hair and singing that same song. And suddenly she remembered where she had heard it before; it was a Narnian song, which meant that somehow Susan still remembered.

Lucy closed her eyes and did not open them until she could no longer feel the brush through her hair.

When she opened her eyes Susan was gone.

* * *

She left the room at some point.

Susan could no longer stand it, the waiting; the constantly watching her without knowing what came next. Edmund was lying on her bed, fast asleep; she hoped he was dreaming of happier times, of better places. She hated it when Lucy was sick because she was the heart of everything. Without her, it just seemed like the world couldn't turn right; her parents, which had come home at some point though she could never tell you when, were asleep in their own room. Her eyes found the clock, and she realized that it was late afternoon already.

Peter was in the hallway, leaning against a wall; he at least was awake.

She walked past him without saying a word and locked herself in the bathroom instead; the person that looked back didn't even seem like her. Her hair was a mess; her make up (the little she had put on) had completely run out; her dress was definitely ruined. However, it didn't matter, strangely enough she felt different as well; as if none of it really matter and never would, all that mattered was that Lucy was there, Lucy had to be there.

She sank down on the ground leaning against the bathtub.

She put her knees against her chest and lied down her head and just cried.

* * *

_**' 'Susan, do you remember that time, we had that huge fight?' **_  
_**' 'Which one?' **_  
_**' 'The one right here in Narnia, we were fighting about… God, I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but it was important in that moment. And everyone else just stood there looking at us; no one wanted to intervene. They were almost afraid of intervening, especially the boys. And then I got angry and threw your stuff out of the window do you remember that?' **_  
_**' 'Yes, you threw out all my favorite stuff; I wanted to strangle you.' **_  
_**' 'Do you know what I remember the most about that day?' **_  
_**'The stuff flying out of the window?' **_  
_**' 'No the fact that when you realized I had thrown some of my own stuff out there you actually climbed in the tree it had fallen into and washed my clothes and cleaned my room. That's what I loved the most about you in that moment, that no matter what you were always there.' **_

* * *

_'They waited for hours, so long that Lucy was sure no one was coming. _

_'Susan had long since fallen asleep, not waking up even when Lucy shook her; and now all she could do was sit there waiting. She held her sister close to her and prayed; she prayed to God, she prayed to Aslan; she screamed and cried, but no one seemed to come. She began singing suddenly, a song that she remembered from somewhere but couldn't quite place; hoping that Susan could hear her and would fight, hoping that someone outside could hear her and would come. _

_'Lucy could remember when they had first come here. _

_'And for the first time coming to Narnia seemed like the worst thing that ever happened, for the first time she thought it was actually possible to lose a sibling. For the first time, she had to imagine a world without Susan, and it just seemed wrong. She spent her time imagining that world and growing more and more scared by the moment, and as she started to fall asleep the only thing, she could think of what Susan saying, a long time ago, that they should have never come here, that they should go back home. _

_'And she could hear herself saying they had to stay; they had to help. _

_'Now it seemed like the worst idea ever. _

* * *

_**' 'Susan, do you remember that time, we went to London and got of the wrong train?' **_  
_**' 'Yes, I was so scared; you may not think that I was Luce, but I was terrified. It terrified that we would never find our home again. That we will be stuck there forever.' **_  
_**' 'But you didn't seem scared; you seemed so strong, like you knew what to do and where to go.' **_  
_**' 'I didn't; I was so young, and I felt guilty for having stepped of the wrong train. But I didn't want you to get scared so I played the strong one.' **_  
_**' 'I remember how strong you were, like it seemed nothing could go wrong although we didn't know where we were.' **_  
_**' 'Do you know what I remember? That despite having gotten us lost you still trusted me, and you held my hand and we just walked. And it seemed like we could conquered anything.'**_

* * *

_'Susan dreamed of a house somewhere in Narnia. _

_'In a world without England, or perhaps with England, it didn't really matter. Peter was outside, running through the garden; doing something that seemed important, but probably wasn't. It was raining and for a second it made her wonder why Peter was outside in the rain, but that didn't matter to her. Edmund was sitting inside reading a book; she thinks it might have been a law book, but it wasn't important. _

_'She was in a room with Lucy. _

_'They were sitting there in front of a huge mirror in a room easily identified as their own. Lucy was sitting in front of her and she, Susan, was combing her hair. It seemed important that she was doing this, though she couldn't say why. Lucy looked at her, like she wasn't sure why they were there; so Susan began to sing a song. An old Narnian song that Mr. Tumnus taught her a long time ago. _

_'She closed her eyes at some point and stopped brushing. _

_'When she opened her eyes Lucy was gone, so was the house, for that matter. _

* * *

_**'Susan never asked, she never even remembers she taught it in that moment. **_  
_**'In those moments in that cave, when she was so sure, she would die, she thought it. **_  
_**'She thought 'If you die, whether it's in Narnia or in England, where do you go? Aslan's country? **_

_**'Heaven? Are they the same? Does it matter? More importantly if one dies before the others. How do you know you'll end up in the same place? Will you meet again?'**_

* * *

_' 'Between sisters, often, the child's cry never dies down. "Never leave me," it says; "do not abandon me."'  
__Louise Bernikow_


	5. part 5

'_Of two sisters one is always the watcher, one the dancer.'  
Louise Glück_

* * *

When Susan was ten, she broke her leg.

Susan couldn't sit still long enough to stay with Susan; she couldn't stay inside when the sun was shining (and of course, the sun was shining when she couldn't move outside). Edmund could; Edmund could sit inside for hours reading a book; but he was of no use because he was reading, and she wanted someone to talk to, someone who would listen to her. However, Lucy could not sit still; she could not stay with her.

Instead, Lucy would spend her time coming inside and laughing with her.

She'd list the many things she could do and her big sister couldn't, spend her time telling tales of her many adventures. Susan wanted to strangle her, throw her out the window, claw her eyes out; do anything to make her shut up? Susan didn't want to hear, didn't want to think of the things she couldn't do. Lucy didn't do it on purpose, at least not most of the time, but it was annoying just the same. She made a list of the things she wanted to do, thanks to Lucy of course, once she could go outside.

Of course, the day the plaster came off the rain started.

* * *

_'Somehow, in those moments, they were always together. _

_'A long time ago they had sat in front of a stone table and saw the worst thing of her young life, the death of Aslan. In that moment, she had thought that nothing could ever be worse, for the death of Aslan was like the death of hope itself. It was not something she had ever wanted to see or feel again. And yet, despite the horror and the many nightmares that followed; despite the fear and despair, there was one ray of light. Susan had been right there, within arm's reach; and she had reached out in that moment. _

_'Susan had held her as she cried; she'd been the one to insist they had to go. _

_'She never wanted to see it again, not even in her dreams; however, the moments in the cave seemed just as bad as that night. Worse because Aslan was not even close and Susan was not there to comfort her during the long night, instead she'd been steadily losing consciousness. Lucy had never in her whole life felt so alone, so unprotected. _

_'She knew she wouldn't feel safe again until Susan was safe. _

_' (She thinks she'll love the centaur that found them forever and will give him anything he wants. He wants nothing though.) _

* * *

Three weeks later Lucy broke her leg.

It seemed funny to Susan that this would happen, like somehow Lucy was being punished for being so obnoxious. And Susan was going to repay her with the same thing; she was going to go into Lucy's room and tell her of everything she couldn't do now. Her determination lasted all but ten minutes, the time it took to walk into her room and find a place to sit. One look at her face and she couldn't do it, couldn't annoy her.

Instead, Susan spent the next few weeks's locked in Lucy's room.

They played games, somehow finding a way to make Edmund and Peter join in, Susan told stories and Lucy sang songs. She'd remember those weeks fondly forever; they were so happy then (it was before the war, before the bombs, before the pain.) Lucy too remembered those moments fondly, and she had already forgotten about the weeks Susan had spent alone with her broken leg.

Truthfully Susan could not really remember it either.

* * *

_'It wasn't only the bad they were together for; it was the good as well. _

_'Like the rise of Aslan, after one of the longest nights, after losing hope, after the pain; the sudden light and roar of the lion made them the happiest ever. Or when Aslan brought Mr. Tumnus back to live, they were together then as well. Susan, despite never having met him, was just as happy as she was when he awoke. Their coronation of course or their first journey of discovering the castle; that had been a very memorable afternoon, Lucy had been the one who wanted to see the castle, but everyone was busy. _

_'Eventually, Susan had given in, after some begging. _

_'They'd gotten lost, of course, but they'd discovered so many hidden wonders in the entire castle. Things they saw that they never found again, things that they wondered if they had ever actually been there. And things they had found again, beautiful large ball rooms, rooms with ceilings as high as the sky, or so low that they had to crawl. They went on stairs up until they reached the highest point of the castle and went down into the dungeons. _

_'Eventually, someone found them but they were having so much fun that the centaur did another tour of the grounds before interrupting them. _

* * *

Lucy woke up slowly but never opened her eyes.

She wanted to go back to sleep, wanted to find her way back to the beautiful and (definitely) weird dreams she had. However, she was awake and feeling a lot better, and she was sure her family was worried about her (she was unsure of how long she had been asleep) so she very slowly began opening her eyes. That's also the moment; she began to register the sounds she was hearing. She could hear her parents, somewhere far away; probably talking about her. When she finally opened her eyes she saw Peter sitting at the door leaning against the wall asleep; surely, that couldn't have been comfortable.

Edmund was asleep in Susan's bed, which seemed strange.

Susan was with her, lying on the bed next to her; her arms around her, protective like always. She too was deeply asleep and Lucy suddenly felt all better. Protected, safe; she moved closer to her big sister, finding herself in her arms and Susan, still asleep, strengthened her grip on her. She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep; she'd wake up again later, and they'd talk. (One of the first things she noticed was that Susan was still wearing the dress she had been trying on as well as the makeup she had put on, not that it mattered.)

There they stayed arms around each other, lost in their own dream worlds.

* * *

_'Susan awoke suddenly almost a full week after the events of the cave. _

_'She'd been unconscious since that moment, once the Narnian's found her, they'd taken her back to the castle were the Pevensies had been told about the flower. Since Peter was still far away on his journey Edmund was the one went off to the far North. There, he was told, he would need to climb the mountains until he found the flower; he would be able to recognize the flower instantly, it being full of magic and light. However, he only had three days before Susan lost her fight, and they'd already lost one day while lost in the caves. _

_'He came back in time, and they gave Susan the antidote. _

_'However, it still took her days to wake up again; Lucy had also fallen ill having caught a cough while lost in the rain, but still she stayed with Susan. When Susan awoke, she woke suddenly, though she's not sure what woke her up exactly; she could hear several Narnians outside, as well as Peter (though she could see him standing in the doorway, his back turned to her). Edmund was asleep in a chair next to the bed – it could not have been comfortable. _

_'Lucy was lying next to her in the bed curled up against her, deeply asleep. _

_'Susan moved her arms slightly embracing Lucy and closing her eyes yet again. _

* * *

_'Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister.'_  
_Alice Walker_


End file.
